I had a miscarriage last Monday night. We spent 6 hours in the ER. This pregnancy was difficult from the beginning. Not that I felt sick or anything, in fact, this was the 1st pregnancy where I didn't feel sick at all. We (well, Matt) was done having kids, and having another baby was not part of our plan. I wasn't ready to say I was done, but I certainly wasn't ready for more. So, when my suspicions were confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, I can't say I was thrilled or excited, and then I also felt guilty and ungrateful. What we went through to get pregnant with Gunter and Zoe! But I feel the same way about the miscarriage--relief and guilt.
I realized through this pregnancy that I have somehow felt like I've been sleeping through the last 2 1/2 years (though certainly not literally!), and now feel like a cloud has been lifted and I can see again! I'm starting to see a path I'd like to follow, and I feel a new-found appreciation and love for Blizzard and Gunter and Zoe. It's time for me to engage in life again, time to start taking better care of myself, and time for me to start getting rid of all of our old baby stuff (and there's a lot of it!)--car seats, clothing, toys. I've gained clarity and know it's time to move on and I'm excited for the future.
