I had a miscarriage last Monday night. We spent 6 hours in the ER. This pregnancy was difficult from the beginning. Not that I felt sick or anything, in fact, this was the 1st pregnancy where I didn't feel sick at all. We (well, Matt) was done having kids, and having another baby was not part of our plan. I wasn't ready to say I was done, but I certainly wasn't ready for more. So, when my suspicions were confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, I can't say I was thrilled or excited, and then I also felt guilty and ungrateful. What we went through to get pregnant with Gunter and Zoe! But I feel the same way about the miscarriage--relief and guilt.
I realized through this pregnancy that I have somehow felt like I've been sleeping through the last 2 1/2 years (though certainly not literally!), and now feel like a cloud has been lifted and I can see again! I'm starting to see a path I'd like to follow, and I feel a new-found appreciation and love for Blizzard and Gunter and Zoe. It's time for me to engage in life again, time to start taking better care of myself, and time for me to start getting rid of all of our old baby stuff (and there's a lot of it!)--car seats, clothing, toys. I've gained clarity and know it's time to move on and I'm excited for the future.
3 comments:
cha cha...goodness. I know how those situations bring clarity...so good for it. Twins are hard and kids are hard they beat you down, but they are so worth it. I am so glad to see you blog a bit with an update. Yes as they get older you can breath a bit more and perhaps take a shower and do your hair more...I am seriously guilty of being major frumpilicious, but I too have resolved to be better.
Good Luck, hope you feel better soon. Miscarriages whack out your hormones which you are intimately more familiar with than me...so if you think your weird or weepy or moody just blame it on your hormones!! Bonne Chance...
I love your attitude and that this has helped you to make some changes. Good for you! Still sorry to hear about your ordeal, but I really believe everything happens for a reason. Take care-
Welcome to the club! I miscarried between my two babies and it was a strange and overwhelming experience. I was totally ok with it in a weird "what just happened to me?" way. In a way I am really glad to have that experience so I can feel connected to a huge group of women who have also miscarried.
One in four pregnancies end like this but still it seems to be a taboo subject for women to talk about. Why is that? Maybe you can answer that for me on Thursday. Hope you can come.
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